On to the story...
We had been working with a real estate agent and a lender prior to finding Fugly Manor and had already been pre qualified for a loan. Since our little house was going to need some work and the price was far below what we had qualified for I thought I could simply borrow an additional 30-50k (still leaving us under the qualified amount) for the renovations and call it a day. I contacted our lender, told him that we had found a house, told him the price and how much we wanted to borrow total. "You can't do that" was his response. He proceeded to inform me that with a standard FHA loan that you could only borrow money to pay for the house itself and that we would need a 301k loan and that he didn't do those. A little disheartened we set out to find a new lender. Our real estate agent said she could refer us to a lender she had worked with who could do such a loan, and thus began my long and strained relationship with Jordan.
After being given his information I contacted Jordan about a loan. (Sidebar, I will leave out any last names or names of financial institutions) After providing him with the standard documents, paystubs, W2's, bank statements, etc. we were once again pre approved for a loan for a more than sufficient amount to purchase our home and do the renovations. All seemed like it would be clear sailing from here on out, how wrong I was.
The process of securing the loan was one of, if not, THE MOST STRESSFUL experience of my life. It all started with securing the down payment. I should start by stating that because Sabrina is self employed the loan ended up being solely in my name because it was easier that way. This is only important because of the headaches it caused us. So it all started with the $2,000 in earnest money that Sabrina put down on the house, which would be applied to the down payment. We intended to borrow the rest from our families. The first complication came with the FHA regulations stating that family members could "gift" us money, but not lend it. The next one being that because Sabrina was not on the loan, neither her or her family could "gift" me money because they could not establish a relationship. Thus began the long process of "proving" where every cent that went towards the purchase of the house came from. I at one point cashed in some savings bonds that I had been sitting on to help with the expenses, which I had to "prove" came from the bonds, how much were they for, when did you cash them, etc, etc, etc. Theses guys needed everything but a blood and urine sample. I told Sabrina at one point that I felt like one of those wind up monkey toys with the cymbals... Mark the Mortgage Monkey, just wind me up and watch me perform for you. 
So after many, MANY bank statements, letters of explanation, copies of canceled checks and all sorts of other "proof" we were in the final stages of having our loan go through. My "good buddy" Jordan had assured me that we were all set and we were just waiting on the loan to get through underwriting. Sabrina and I had taken the week off, originally to take a trip to Alabama to visit my family down there, but after that fell through we decided on a week of little day trips, so a we could unwind a little and spend some quality time together. We took a day to go down to Richmond Va, to visit Maymont and to see her brother. We were walking the grounds at Maymont, enjoying a wonderful afternoon together when my phone rang... Jordan...In the eleventh hour I get a call saying our loan is suddenly not approved. The reason being is that I don't have enough money of my own in the bank. Now mind you I have used up the majority of my assets in the pursuit of this house. Sabrina is not allowed to give me any money towards the purchase of our house because she is not related. My heart sank, I felt defeated, and in this moment my girl came up with the most brilliant of solutions. I had a car I was thinking about selling, so Sabrina suggested that she "buy" my car as a way to give me money and secure the loan. Oh but it gets better. Because her name is on the title, but not the loan, Jordan felt it would look suspicious if she bought my car (because the FHA checks EVERYTHING and wants proof of where every cent comes from). The solution to this problem ended up being that her Mom (different last name) would "buy" the car so that Sabrina could give me the money. Long story short, the plan worked and we were finally able to secure our home through some quick thinking and some entry level money laundering lol.
I hope you enjoyed this latest installment. If not, stay tuned, the fun part is coming up next... Renovations!
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